Why is it so hard to decide to leave him. Why is it so hard to decide and insist to leave him. Why am I giving myself hard time, why am I having this feeling? I can do it to leave him, why I can't know? What had happen to me? I am feeling really helpless and hopeless, my days in this world is getting worst each day. I don't see my future... however i know future is build by my own. But I am so depressed to think of how to build anything for myself...................... Why am I depressed? I can't think of anything that I make right, I can't trust myself anymore, I do not have confident in doing the thing right anymore, I am having so so low self-esteem............................
Today is 20 January 2010, Thursday. Thaipusam Day. Where were I last year Thaipusam day? Should be somewhere, middle of relationship disaster. I had those bad memory still fresh on my mind..., those guy that hurt me......... I truely believe it's my retribution. It's what I done in the past, that cause me to suffer now, and face all the bad things by myself.
I want to be strong, I want to wake up, stand up, pick up myself, walk forward, march ahead, no matter what is in front, just bang the wall, or hit the bricks, I still need to march on...............................
"Tough" this is my life huh. This is the word, someone gave to me, telling I will have a tough life.
CNY is near, I don't feel any excitement also, same as before. Maybe last time I felt happier, now I felt worst........................
Thursday, 20 January 2011
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
Worried lead to sadness........
I am really worried. My current salary is really only enough to cover my basic. Even I purchase some item, I would be really hard to cover. I feel really sad and blame myself for all the stupid thing I done. Stupid mistake, stupid action, lead to stupid consequences. It's scarry to see my bank account going our is higher than coming in. I can really feel the mind keep worried for the problem that I maybe facing... and I am going to Singapore soon, for another spending, I will not have enough money to cover. What should I do?
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Passion for.......
Everyone single one in this world, was created with a purpose. Of course, including myself. It is so unique that, there is no identical twin in this world...... u may look alike, but not think alike, you may think alike, but not act alike, not having the same destiy.................. this is the wonder of this life...................
Though, I am a bit disappointed with the whole incident this morning, is ok. I'll stand up, continue my journey, face life each day..... have to face with a happy heart, not only face it.
I owe a lot to this life, this body, this soul of me in this world. I could have been living better. But there is no point looking at "could have been", as we can't change the psat. "What will be now"..... is what I should see and focus on, my dear, my ownself dear........
What passion do I have?
I have passion for food. I love making food, preparing it, and turn it into nice delicious dishes, and let my love one taste it, or let my friends taste it. It's a satisfaction to me........I made my first pizza today. Using my new oven, quite excited to see the color changing into golden brown in the oven. How I wish my dear can taste it the first one.
Will we be together till old, forever? We break, patch back, break patch back..... countless time. Is it my destiny to be with him? Or it is just another trial, another punishment, another test, another endless suffering in my world? Why do I have to be so pessimistic, so negative in all and all.......
Another passion of mine, is doggy. I love dogs.............. they are so lovely, cute and warm to be around. Although recently there is a news, bad news where a foreginer being attacked and killed by a dog. It is so sad for that person, and to that dog as well. It will be put to sleep I suppose............
But, this is consider an accident, dog, is also an animal, just like human, human also kill human and the case is even more, much much more than dog killing human...........
I intend to buy another puppy girl. Will name her Pepper. Nice or not? I think of a few, Angel, Maggie, YaoYao, YoYo, LuLu, Nancy......... i think will stick with Pepper....
Though, I am a bit disappointed with the whole incident this morning, is ok. I'll stand up, continue my journey, face life each day..... have to face with a happy heart, not only face it.
I owe a lot to this life, this body, this soul of me in this world. I could have been living better. But there is no point looking at "could have been", as we can't change the psat. "What will be now"..... is what I should see and focus on, my dear, my ownself dear........
What passion do I have?
I have passion for food. I love making food, preparing it, and turn it into nice delicious dishes, and let my love one taste it, or let my friends taste it. It's a satisfaction to me........I made my first pizza today. Using my new oven, quite excited to see the color changing into golden brown in the oven. How I wish my dear can taste it the first one.
Will we be together till old, forever? We break, patch back, break patch back..... countless time. Is it my destiny to be with him? Or it is just another trial, another punishment, another test, another endless suffering in my world? Why do I have to be so pessimistic, so negative in all and all.......
Another passion of mine, is doggy. I love dogs.............. they are so lovely, cute and warm to be around. Although recently there is a news, bad news where a foreginer being attacked and killed by a dog. It is so sad for that person, and to that dog as well. It will be put to sleep I suppose............
But, this is consider an accident, dog, is also an animal, just like human, human also kill human and the case is even more, much much more than dog killing human...........
I intend to buy another puppy girl. Will name her Pepper. Nice or not? I think of a few, Angel, Maggie, YaoYao, YoYo, LuLu, Nancy......... i think will stick with Pepper....
Monday, 17 January 2011
Hi World........
I'm a lonely, lonely girl. Got no one to turn to when I am down. I belong to this world, I want to talk to the world, I want to talk to someone, or something, that know why am I be born into the world?
Life purpose, my purpose, my mission in this world, I haven't discover it. Why? Why am I so difficult to find the way out......
Why my life seems to be in the circle, round and round and never able to find the right way out.
This life, need us to work, and to earn money in order to sustain life. But will work be happy? Will we be able to find what we love to do and earn a living from it? Will I be able to? What is it that I need to do......
Dear God,
Are you there? I'm so lonely, and I am feeling down today. I wish to be someone,
i wish to be successful in something I like to do, and stand out from the crowd.
Life purpose, my purpose, my mission in this world, I haven't discover it. Why? Why am I so difficult to find the way out......
Why my life seems to be in the circle, round and round and never able to find the right way out.
This life, need us to work, and to earn money in order to sustain life. But will work be happy? Will we be able to find what we love to do and earn a living from it? Will I be able to? What is it that I need to do......
Dear God,
Are you there? I'm so lonely, and I am feeling down today. I wish to be someone,
i wish to be successful in something I like to do, and stand out from the crowd.
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