Today's the 2nd day of my work, the traffic is quite congested from here to town. I used to travel 15-20 min to reach my office. But now, I need 2 hours to and fro. Travelling is quite tiring and fuel consuming. Daily parking also cost RM3. Guess travelling with parking will take about RM180-RM200 per mth at least. My ex-co even give allowance for toll of RM145 for which I am not really need to spend cause I stayed in island. Now, with lower pay, and extra expenses, I really need to get used to it without comparing the past and current. I'll never be happy and contented.
I'm getting lower paid reason being i'm totally new to this recruitment industry, all my background was only sales, IT and i'm not really someone who is stand out from the crowd.
Suddenly today, tonight, I felt a bit down. Despite God has given me chance and helped really a lot in changing and getting to the new job life. Suddenly, I just felt I'm so left out, not competent, and not having the strong desire to move further. What has lead to this?
I don't even dare to call a candidate up to profile them. I was from call centre backgroud, I should be very confident and very experience in talking to anyone on the phone, what happend to me? I'm just so low in self-esteem and getting useless each day.
While I'm going through all these, God are you there? I am sure you are, as I believe this is my test, and I have to overcome it, and build myself stronger. I'm just so myself, I can't hear you God, and I can't feel or sense you are there, I have never experence you touching me, whisper to me, hint to me, or give me any tiny bit of clue that you are there with me God. I am sorry, I just really hope you here with me God.
Today I suppose to do some homework for tomorrow's work, brought back some JD but didn't really open that up and study on it. I suppose to do research on it aggressively, get my self equipped and polished myself up with super speed as this is why my manager is hiring me from the "hell" company. I failed to show any sign of aggressive and competence once again. I'm just so so lame and low low than average person and wanted to show I am capable and strong. I'm just another hypocrite which I hate so much.
I saw his photo with his ex-wife and his daughter. She's so much younger and prettier than me. I really wish we could end everything here. So that I can press a "restart" button of my life and "reformat" everything and everything and really everything.
I am really loosing every confident, I am getting older each day and getting fatter each day, I really have no mood to have any diet on. I just feel so insecure and uncomfortable seeing and knowing that she wears pretty and went out with him. God, please release me from this "life term jail". I've learnt my lesson, haven't I? What else I need to learn? Will I be forgiven? What I need to do to rectify what I have done wrong? Is there anyway I can compensate back? Please let me know the action I need to do God.
Why am I so unsure of what I am doing and what my future holds? I have many many questions and doubt everywhere. I'm so tired.
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