Marriage

What do you think about marriage? It's a life time commitment, to live to love and to take care of someone for the rest of your life. It's a very big word and big responsibility. Whether or not you will be holding that vow and promise, it's still another matter after years and years of living together, tolerance and different type of issue will arise when the kids arrive.

Everytime I see someone's wedding photo, I have 2 types of feeling. One is, I felt a bit jealous for what a lucky girl she is in that photo, getting married to someone she loves so much. How lucky she is that the guy proposed to her and ask to live together forever happily ever after. It's every girl's dream and fairy tale ending.

On the other hand, who will know what is going to happen next. Maybe I am too pessimistic to think life in this way, if you tend to worry too much for the future and worry for the worst to happen, you might not want to get involve in anything great in life after all. So, I am a very contradicting person, one hand I love to be in love, and yearn to be married to somone who loved me a lot and matured enough to think for our future and whatever consequences it will take if he made a mistake or betrayal... another hand, I'm also worried the marriage will end in a disaster.

I'm 33 years old now, very soon, i'll be 34.... 35..... 40.. and before I know it, I'm not attractive to anyone anymore and this will end forever for me to be a loner. 孤独终老 Will that be very sad? There's once, or twice, the fortune teller told me that it's very likely I'll end up alone in old age, that's very sadening and hurt to know it and not have the will to change it now...........

Though I have boyfriend now, but he never shows that he has a strong will to marry me. He's a divorce man, and with 2 kids, he has gone through the up and the down of the marriage , he has gone through the feeling of being the husband, the feeling of being a father. It's not fresh or something new for him to try out another time, he even told me if we were to have kids in future, it's going to be a burden to both of us to take care of small baby. Feeding milk to baby every 2 hours at night without fail, getting up and awaken in the middle of your sweet dream, feeding milk again, changing diaper, though I can imagine it's a hard work, but which parent didn't go through this? Though I am very sad and dissapointed to hear him say this, but my heart just close down and I just try to fan off whatever flame I have for marriage and building a family.

Well, all and all, I still wish to try it once in a life time, to get married, and have a kid. God, do you think it is a wise choice?

My dream wedding will be going through a Church Wedding, and playing the music of Canon in D. I'll cry on that day cause it's going to be so touching to hear that song and being married to the guy I love. (dreaming).